I heard we made out
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
