Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
