I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
