You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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