I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
