I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
