i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
