you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
