So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
