Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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