just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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