I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
