he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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