Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
