Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
