I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
