so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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