the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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