idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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