Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
