If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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