I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
