is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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