I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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