Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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