I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
