i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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