She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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