If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
