Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
