Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
