watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
