He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
