just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
