Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
