Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
