I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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