plz talk dirty to me
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
And then he peed in my hair
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