I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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