So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
