But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
