I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
