I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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