just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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