I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
