i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
