I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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