just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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