Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
