My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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